Kids are a lot of work; throw a new baby into the mix, and you can bet I'm running around like a crazy person all day long just trying to keep people fed and (relatively) happy. I've actually exceeded my expectations as to how I would adjust to having three kids. Don't get me wrong...it's not perfect. Just ask my mom, I tell her all the time. My new motto is, "It's not pretty. But we're gonna make it." Friends and family have told me that three was their breaking point, so I've been prepared to completely lose it. I know I'm not entirely out of the woods yet, but at this point I can say that I think two was harder for me than the third one. With the second kid I had to learn to divide my attention; and the kids had to learn how to share and wait. This time around, we all know how to do those things, so it's just a matter of me learning to juggle just a little bit faster.
Even though I've pretty well adjusted to having three kids, I knew 2012 was going to push me to my limit in other ways. I feel like I can say I've had a pretty good attitude throughout residency. I don't complain much, and I really try not to be a huge drain on Bryce's time. But this weekend was the first that left me wondering if we're
really going to make it through this. I think we're just at that point in this marathon where the finish line is visible but there's still such a long, bumpy way to go. I can see the end, but I can also see all we have to do to get there and my confidence is wavering. I know we're going to make it. I think my brain needs a vacation. Every night, my prayer begins like this, "Heavenly Father, I'm so tired...."
Anyway, back to the purpose of this post. I knew this year was going to be challenging. And rewarding. But really challenging. So my New Year's resolution was to learn to appreciate moments that make me happy. Just to fully enjoy the brief moment when nobody is crying, or the cute quirky things my kids do. And I've been doing just that. And it's working.
When I pause to appreciate a small moment, like hearing Charlotte's infectious giggle, or enjoying her latest sartorial choice; it makes the harder moments more bearable. Like when she peed on the kitchen counter, or rubbed a bar of soap in her hair. When I enjoy Hudson's sweet smile and his darling freckles, or appreciate his energy and imagination, I can tolerate his picky eating and the million excuses to get out of bed at night. When I see how happy Nolan is in the bath, and take the time to listen to him coo and watch him smile, I realize I can live through the middle of the night feedings and the constant diaper changes.
And that's where Instagram comes in. I've been fighting the pressure to join. Really, I tried. I need another social media outlet about as much as I need one more load of laundry to wash. But I have to say, I love it. I love capturing and sharing the little, ordinary moments of my days that would otherwise go unappreciated. It's like a personal reminder that the hard moments are as fleeting as the good ones. And these little ordinary moments are exactly the way I want to remember my children. And when they're grown, I want them to see what I love so much about being their mom. Although I'll have plenty of horror stories to torture them with, too...I want them to be sure they know what makes it all worth it in my eyes.
So that's that. I think this is one of those posts that was more for me than it was for anyone else. So I apologize for my self-indulgence. I hope you have a great day, or at least some great moments today.
and if you're on instagram, you can find me @christinabwilliams
xo.
